I loved the article the World Economic Forum recently published about Iceland implementing legislation for equal pay between men and women. They picked up that self-regulation proves relatively ineffective and that without a change in legislation nothing really changes.  

Now we don’t all live in Iceland and if there is one principle that I proclaim when it comes to careers it is ownership.

We can complain until we drop dead or we can start playing with the parameters that we actually can influence  – guess what, it’s not legislation.

6 Suggestions to alter your salary game:

1 Ask for it

Chances are high that your employer is not in a rush to promote you or give you a salary increase. Why should they? What I hear from managers: the single most important reason why women don’t get promoted is because they don’t ask for it. The good news is that asking for it will not change your salary situation for the worse (you do have a contract), but it may change for the better. You may as well take the risk of asking. Repeatedly (see 6).

2 Get comfortable being uncomfortable

You have decided to ask for more? The first thing to accept is that it is gonna be uncomfortable. Money is high sensation. It wacks people. Stay present with the situation (and sensation).

When I asked one of my former bosses to discuss the increase amount for a promotion, I realized that it was actually him getting nervous. I stayed clear in my intention and replied that I wanted to have an unemotional discussion about it. Handling the situation even got me extra credits for being business-minded.

3 Challenge your self-worth

How much you ask for is usually a direct reflection of what you think you are worth. Only writing this gets me foggy. It’s where my voices kick in. I am not good enough. What if I can’t deliver in line with what I negotiate.

Women have a tendency to focus on things they need to improve, whereas men focus and promote what they are good at. Start looking at what you do really well. Brag.

Also, being that ambitious women, if you ask for more you will be sure to match that level of expectation and step up to the skill level required for the job.

How much you ask for is usually a direct reflection of what you think you are worth.

4 Know your playground

Self-management as discussed above is only half the preparation when entering a salary negotiation. The other half is familiarizing with the rates and salaries for that particular position and industry. There are a number of things you can do: consult Glassdoor or ask your network and people working similar jobs. Most companies also have pay ranges mapped out for the different levels. Ask for them (they are usually hidden on the company’s HR pages) and have someone explain it to you.

Having a rough framework will help you relax as you know where you are in relation to the standard and how much you can push for.

5 Play

So far in my career – when I knew my playground – I have been a good negotiator. Mostly because I enjoyed the game and was not attached to the outcome. I did not take it personal as to whether I’d get what I asked for or how much. I was interested to see how much I could stretch it. If you find a way to detach yourself from the outcome, you’ll find it can be fun and you will bring a level of energy to the situation that is hard to resist. Tightness on the other hand is more likely to be met with withdrawal and resistance. Like in any intense meeting, would you be more likely to engage with someone who is tight and unrelaxed or someone at ease and determined?

So here is my invitation: approach negotiations more as a game. And maybe you are lucky to also have one of these men in your network who ask for outrageous increases. Just to see whether they get away with it. Often they do or at least partly.

What I found in my research is that women are more personally attached. They don’t ask for what they want because there is a fear of embarrassing themselves. No company will not give you the job simply because you asked for too much. They will adjust you and negotiate. So play and stick around to negotiate.

6 Repeat

The truth is, salary increases and promotions usually require some stamina. As mentioned, companies are not keen to give everyone who asks for it an increase instantly. Sometimes it’s also for practical reasons of needing to find another suitable position first. That can take half a year or longer. So my advice is not to wait until it gets really urgent for you and you want to leave the company if nothing happens. Open the dialogue early and keep coming back to it.

Ownership is not a one-time activity. Keep owning it.