Today I am fucked up. I am emotional, physically weak and I could cry for no reason. I feel in victim mode, I move really slow and feel like staying in bed all day. It’s hard to find approval for that spot. My mind tells me that I have a business to run. The temptation to check out or ignore all there is to feel and to just push through and get on with business is huge. It’s the default business mindset. It’s the voice that says: ‘you have to perform’, ‘you have to be professional’, ‘you can’t show emotions at work’.

“Showing up as yourself no matter what is an advanced game.”

You may judge me for being unprofessionally personal and that’s why I decided to write about it. I’d like to offer a different perspective. What actually takes more courage: coming to work perfectly shaved, balanced and in good spirit or coming to work wrinkly, raw and emotional? That’s right – showing up as yourself no matter what is an advanced game.

Being in a moment of down is every time an opportunity for me to really let people see me, accept help and connect on a different level. The advanced game is the conscious decision to hide nothing. What I am learning is authentic relating. Unfiltered and ego-free. It’s also a beautiful leadership opportunity because it gives everyone else approval to show up as themselves.

Here are some of the principles I practice:

Show up anyhow

Of course there are times when you are really sick and should stay in bed for your and your team’s sake, but here I am talking about the ego speaking. We feel ashamed of how we look or we don’t want others to notice how we feel. We don’t want to be seen in our sadness, anger or pain. Feeling down comes with a temptation to completely check out. Staying in bed and calling in sick or moving meetings seems like a good solution.

I have made a commitment to myself to show up anyhow – physically and emotionally. To honour the commitment of a meeting and more importantly, to honour myself. Showing up anyhow is the first difficult act and gives full approval of who I am in that moment. What I experience is that from this authentic place, my meetings are often more spot on and my coaching is more powerful. There is no perfect and pretend.

Vulnerability creates connection

Showing up in raw state is vulnerable. It’s honest and real. If we are more vulnerable, people can read and feel us better and as a consequence feel more connected. It also gives permission to others to drop their own guards. In coaching we have a saying ‘can you be the one who is vulnerable first?’. If we show ourselves truly, we become more relatable. Especially as a leader a fucked up state gives you an opportunity to set the tone for a whole team, to make yourself more accessible and actively create an environment of trust and compassion where everyone knows they can bring their authentic self to work.

Access flow

When I am in the down I cannot move fast. I could push and effort, but naturally my body requests me to slow down and listen. In business fast and agile is usually the praised principle. In the past I used to blame myself for being without much energy and then I discovered that there is great freedom in dropping expectations and performance anxiety. What I find is not seldom creativity and flow.

If I am on low energy, I start by asking myself: what is the one thing in my work that excites me (alternatively: that I have energy for) in this moment? I do that. And then another thing and another thing. Not rarely I get into a natural flow because my creativity is activated and my state changes with it. My homepage was built in 2 days from a place of complete exhaustion. I did find joy in playing with pictures and banners. Then I thought I may as well upload them and fiddle with the system and then text followed. You get the idea.

What I am saying is, a place of down can teach us that great things can emerge if we allow ourselves to go slow. The important thing is not how fast we move but that we keep moving.

Call to action: observe!

Next time you feel raw, and, decide to show up anyhow, observe what happens. How do people relate to you? Maybe you stay silent in the meeting where you would normally push forward. With what effect? Maybe you decide to reach out for help where normally you’d put up with things on your own? How does it impact your team and co-workers?